Saturday, September 27, 2014

jokes for the soul

Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh..darling..luv u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.



Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??

Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there!


A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.

Was the necklace FAKE?

Nooooo! That was the deal :)


A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook!!



All new Rocking SARDARS back again!!

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye___ EVERY YEAR
😬😆


Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.


After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?



One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!


Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.


Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!


Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.


Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay ..
While its landing he shouted: " Bombay .. Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"


Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!


Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple

Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

keep smiling!!

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Friday, September 26, 2014

"MINDSET"

"MINDSET"

Sebelum sang ayah menghembuskan nafas terakhir, dia
memberi pesan kepada kedua anaknya :

"Anakku, dua pesan penting yang ingin ayah sampaikan
kepadamu untuk keberhasilan hidupmu"

"Pertama : Jangan sesekali menagih hutang daripada sesiapa pun"

"Kedua : Jangan sesekali tubuhmu terkena terik
matahari secara langsung"

5 TAHUN BERLALU:

Sang ibu menjenguk anak sulungnya
dengan kedudukan perniagaannya yg sgt mendukacitakan.

Si ibu pun bertanya "Wahai anak sulungku kenapa kedudukan perniagaanmu demikian?".

Si sulung menjawab : "Saya mengikuti pesan ayah bu…

Saya dilarang menagih hutang drpd siapapun
sehingga banyak hutang yang tidak dibayar dan lama²
habislah modal saya..

Pesan yang kedua ayah melarang saya terkena sinar
matahari secara langsung dan saya hanya hanya ada sebuah motorsikal, itulah sebabnya pergi dan pulang
kerja saya selalu naik teksi".

Kemudian sang ibu pergi ke tempat si bongsu yang
keadaannya berbeza jauh.

Si bongsu berjaya
menjalankan perniagaannya.

Sang ibu pun bertanya "Wahai anak bongsuku, hidupmu
sedemikian beruntung, apa rahsianya…?"

Si bongsu menjawab : "Ini karena saya mengikuti
pesan ayah bu..

Pesan yang pertama saya dilarang
menagih hutang kepada siapapun. Oleh karena itu
saya tidak pernah memberikan hutang kepada siapapun
sehingga modal saya tetap kukuh".

"Pesan kedua saya dilarang terkena sinar matahari
secara langsung, maka dengan motorsikal yang saya ada
saya selalu berangkat sebelum matahari terbit dan
pulang setelah matahari terbenam, sehingga para
pelanggan tahu kedai saya buka lebih awal dan tutup
lebih lewat".

Perhatikan..
Si Sulong dan Si Bongsu menerima pesan yang SAMA,
namun masing² memiliki penafsiran dan sudut pandang
atau MINDSET berbeza.

Mereka MELAKUKAN cara yang
berbeza sehingga mendapatkan HASIL yang berbeza
pula.

Hati² lah dengan Mindset kita..

Mindset positif memberi hasil menakjubkan, sebaliknya
mindset negatif memberikan hasil menghancurkan.

Jadikn contoh ini satu iktibar kpd kita

Best information n story..

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Teknik syarikat developer manipulasi harga rumah diskaun unit Melayu Bumiputera.

Copy Paste from other whatapps group:

Teknik syarikat developer cina manipulasi harga rumah diskaun unit Melayu Bumiputera.

1.Went to i Property Fair @ Subang Parade today. Interested with with one development overseeing the sea @ Tanjung Puteri developed by one chinese owned developer. They offer Bumi discount for bumi unit @ 15% and for non bumi discount @ 6%. Bunyi interesting tapi see the catch. Utk bumi discount, bumi buyer kena bayar 10% deposit upon signing SPA and bayr sendiri all cost (SPA legal fee, MOT stamp duty, Loan legal fee, Loan stamp duty etc) which sy calculate total to about $42k. Utk non bumi, buyer cuma perlu bayar 4% upon signing SPA and all cost absorb by the developer (i.e. the $42k cost will be absorbed by the developer). The unit is priced slightly above $1m for a unit sized approx. 700 sq ft.

2.They don't expect I do my own calculation... i.e. utk bumi to buy bumi unit, the entry cost would be 10% of the Bumi price (after discounted 15%) i.e. dalam $90k. Campur dgn kos2 yg developer tak cover dlm $42k, total entry cost for bumi to buy this development is about $135k.

3.Banding dgn non bumi, tjeir entry cost is just 4% of purchase price, i.e. approximate dlm $45k sahaja. All other cost absorbed by the developer.

4.Kalau dikira beza discount antara bumi price (15% discount) dgn non bumi price (6% discount) is around $104k. Tapi kalau bumi has to pay own cost & non bumicost absorbed, tu bermakna non bumi will enjoy additional benefit of $42k. Bermakna walau harga bumi murah by $104k, the real diffrence is only about $60k je. Utk discount sebanyak $60k, bumi buyer will have to pay aboun $135k sedangkan non bumi only have to pay dlm $45k sahaja.

5.Then this developer will apply to uplift bumi quota... alasan bumi unit takde buyer. Mcmana nak ada buyer kalau entry cost 3 kali lebih tinggi dari non bumi.

6.They look like they offer benefit to bumi, follow NEP, but in reality, they bypass it and make it less competitive for bumi to buy. Also bear in mind bumi unit usually less appreciate compared to non bumi unit.

7.Free2 jer dorang kene free lecture dari saya pasal entry cost, how to calculate costing, NEP, economy, current social and political scenario in Malaysia, etc. Told them to bring the matter up to their higher management before I bring it up to higher attention.

8.You know what they replied "Every chinese developer companies are doing this just to make sure every Melayu Bumiputera wont have any new property so your child will stick to the old house or staying back to kampung"

9.Please please please share and kongsi this article so it will spread among the Malays for the sake of our future.

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For those who like horror

Short Horror stories at their best.
Wrapped up in two sentences or less 😳

1. Husband kills his wife while their 5 yr old son was still sleeping.
The weird thing was that kid didn't ask 4 his mom even 3 days after she went missing.
Father:" Is there something that you want to ask me ? "
Kid : "I just wonder, why mom is always standing BEHIND YOU . .

2. I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I thought it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.

3. The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open.

4. In all of the time that I've lived alone in this house, I swear to God I've closed more doors than I've opened.

5. A girl heard her mom yell her name from downstairs, so she got up & started to head down. As she got to the stairs, her mom pulled her into her room & said "I heard that, too."

6. My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.

7. I always thought my cat had a staring problem. she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me.

8. There's nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it's 1 a.m. & you're home alone.

9. I begin tucking him into bed & he tells me, "Daddy, check for monsters under my bed."
I look underneath for his amusement & see him.. another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, "Daddy, there's somebody on my bed."

10. You get home, tired after a long day's work & ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there.

11. There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone.

😳👹

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